


you were a god in my eyes

by saphinias



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Family Feels, Fire Lord Zuko, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Zuko Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 05:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saphinias/pseuds/saphinias
Summary: The end of a life is sacred - or so his uncle tries to tell him.





	you were a god in my eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Zuko is a huge cynic, but what's new?
> 
> This is also pretty sad, but like I said - what's new?
> 
> The title is taken from Above the Clouds of Pompeii by Bear's Den - which I recommend you listen to after you read this for extra feels.

The end of a life is sacred - or so his uncle tries to tell him.

His first attempt follows the loss of Zuko’s cousin and grandfather.  It is a humbling year for Iroh, losing his son, his father, and his throne in the space of a few months.  Zuko was eleven years old, and losing his cousin and grandfather was the first time he’d encountered death in his young life.  When Iroh placed a hand on his shoulder, he didn’t put much stock in his words.

“Death is but a passageway to the next life, Zuko.  You must not be afraid of it.”

 

-

 

Zuko is thirteen and wounded and his uncle won’t stop attempting to uplift him with anecdotes and bits of wisdom.  He has not seen his mother in two years, and he now knows just how cruel his father can be.  Even as he wishes for his father’s approval, he wonders if his mother is alive.

“Zuko, no matter what, you will meet her again someday.  There is always the next life.”

Zuko doesn’t believe in anything but his father’s power.  Certainly doesn’t believe in spirits and reincarnation.  They visit the Western Air Temple and the evidence of his disbelief is all laid out before him.  Here lies a nation of believers; their beliefs lie with them, rotted on the floor.

 

-

 

Zuko is fourteen and stubborn when he asks why Iroh is by his side at all.  Why he is helping his traitorous brother’s child.

“I believe it is my duty to help you along your journey.  You must listen to the changing tides of your life, Zuko.  Do not refuse to move when the world is telling you there is a different path for you.  This is my path, now.”

Zuko thinks about his dead cousin, about Iroh’s dead son.  He thinks that if his uncle can adjust to life without his son, Zuko can adjust to a life without his father.  At least for now, he can tread this path.

 

-

 

Zuko is fifteen and he still wakes up gasping and shaking.  He thinks that Iroh has a guard posted outside his room just to tell him about these nights.  Unfailingly, Iroh is waiting for him on the deck with a pot of hot tea.  Zuko silently engages in the familiar motions of kneeling and pouring his tea.  They sit with their hair unbound, and it feels like a prayer.

Zuko looks up at the endless night sky when he feels too close to tears.  Most times he can contain himself.  

Most times.

 

-

 

Zuko is sixteen and he is angry.  He never knew he could be this angry.  There are times when he stomps off for effect, and when he slams the door closed behind him he sinks to the floor.  Zuko is sixteen and he is terrified.

He will never be good enough.  His uncle makes that clear as he berates him to  _ master the basics _ .  The Avatar makes that clear as he and his friends flit from town to town, treating Zuko as a mere inconvenience.  

That is the word to describe his life if ever there was one.  He is an inconvenience.  To his father.  To the Avatar.  To his uncle.

He spares dozens of thoughts for his uncle as they chase the Avatar across the world.  He wonders why he’s still here, wonders how the disappointment that is Zuko could possibly be enough for him.  He knows it isn’t.

They sail past the Southern Air Temple a week after the initial fight with the Avatar.

“I never thought I would know the South Pole quite so well.  Life sure works in funny ways!”

Zuko groans and stomps off.

 

-

 

Zuko is seventeen and Iroh is refusing to take the throne.  He doesn’t understand, he knows that Iroh is the best choice to lead the country.  It can’t be him.  It was never supposed to be him, not really.  It was Iroh’s birthright first.

“We cannot return to the past, Zuko.  This is your destiny, not mine.  Your actions led you here, this moment found  _ you _ , not me.”

Zuko does not know what he’s doing, what he’s supposed to do.  He has imprisoned his father and sister, and all Iroh offers is platitudes of destiny.  There was a time when Zuko would have been comforted by his words, but the war and the aftermath have stripped him bare.  

He finds that he doesn’t mind that Iroh spends his time in Ba Sing Se.  Zuko stands on his own again.  He hopes he’s not failing.

 

-

 

Zuko is twenty and he is in love.

Iroh is laughing at him and joking as he pours him his tea.  They sit in the Jasmine Dragon; Zuko remembers the short peace he felt here before Ba Sing Se fell.  Sitting here now, it is much the same.  It is much different.

He’s come to offer forgiveness for his distant behavior.  He’s come to ask for advice.

“Do not be so frightened, Zuko.  This is a good thing.  She is good for you, and you are good for her.  Do not let her go.”

 

-

 

Zuko is twenty-two and he can’t breathe.  He is pacing, but he cannot breathe.  She is out there, waiting for him.  Iroh bustles in and shoos the attendants away.

He stops him in his tracks, puts his hands on his shoulders.  Zuko feels like a child, though he has long been taller than his uncle.

“Get yourself together, man!”

Iroh beams at him as he says his vows.

 

-

 

Zuko is twenty-seven and he is determined to not repeat the past.  He holds his son in his arms and lists off all the things he will never do.  He makes promises to an infant, swears on the spirits.  His uncle catches him at it.

“You are not your father, Zuko.  You are thoughtful, kind.  You love deeply.  Do not stop believing in yourself now.”

 

-

 

Zuko is thirty-four when he attends his uncle’s funeral.  He was there when he passed into the spirit world.  He knelt at his side for hours.  

Now, he is robed in white.  Now, he recites the words to honor his uncle’s life.  Now, he must set the pyre alight.

He kneels.

The crowd before him bows deeply, out of tradition.  Out of respect for his grief.  He and the world are silent for long minutes.  He looks up at the big, empty sky, and fails to hold back his tears.

He thinks of being fifteen on the deck of a ship, nothing but Iroh and the stars.  He thinks of being thirteen and hopeless, alone but for his uncle and his proverbs.  He thinks of being eleven, of losing his cousin.  He gulps in lungfuls of air and tries hard to not be afraid to stand in a world without the man who raised him.  The man who saved him.

He stands.

His people follow.

As he turns toward the pyre, as he shifts into the correct stance, he thinks of being sixteen and mastering the basics.

Now, he sets the pyre alight.

Now, he clings to the words uttered lifetimes ago.

_ Death is but a passageway to the next life.  There is always the next life. _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make my day, my dudes.


End file.
